Dee

I've been thinking about who I admire -and why. I hope that I don't admire people because I perceive them as having my own best qualities. That amounts to looking for reasons to be more pleased with yourself. If I'm going to spend time on self analysis, I'd rather it be about improving who I am.

Sometimes, I catch myself wasting time on bitter and angry daydreaming - baggage that I'm obviously carrying to my detriment. In the movie "Casa Blanca" when that slimy character played by Peter Lorre asks Bogart's character Rick "You despise me don't you?" Rick replies "I suppose I would if I gave it any thought." That comeback is great, not only because it succinctly gives the other person an insulting perspective of how he fits into Rick's life--but also because the Lorre character is not worth the energy it would take for Rick to hate him. I waste energy on hate, revenge, nursing hurt feelings, and mentally replaying and reconstructing different scenarios after the event. What a dead end!

I heard an interview on NPR about how recent Lincoln biographers who -through data mining - are reshaping his legacy so that Lincoln takes on their own qualities. For instance, a gay author posits that Lincoln was gay because of all the traveling and sleeping he did with other men. Another author with a history of depression, found extensive evidence which he believes proves that Lincoln was seriously depressed. It makes for interesting reading, but I can't help but think that these authors are content to compare themselves to greatness rather than objectively analyze the qualities that define greatness.

An author who I think did an excellent study of Lincoln is Doris Kearns Goodwin and her book Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. What compliment of components makes a person great? How much of that is a consequence of events (good and bad) that happen in a lifetime? Does a moral or emotional foundation have to be in place before any greatness is possible? What's nature and what's nurture? Can we model great people and become great ourselves? I think chance determines the components that we end up with in life - like balls falling into the slots because of the spinning of a roulette wheel. What we do to make those components compliment each other is where we have some control.

A great person can be anyone --but not anyone can be great.

Dee works the land and sells the fruits of her labor at a road side stand- berries, vegetables, bake goods, jams. She's a round, little woman - dirt encrusted hands. She's efficient- moves quickly and purposefully to restock and wait on customers. She's interested in people. I find myself smiling at her as she waits on people and wondering where she gets all the stuff she sells in her garage. Dee is hard working, unpretentious and proud of who she is and what she sells. The surroundings indicate that there is not a lot of money in the family, but she appears to be happy with her life. So I wonder. What admirable qualities do I see in her that are a part of me --and which are not a part of me. Also....did I start admiring her after I knew that she was pleased and proud that Steve - my husband and her attorney - was coming on a regular basis to buy fruits and vegetables from her. Does her obvious admiration of him taint my impression of her qualities?